Author: Ellen Cortez Alvarez

Mama 1st, Warrior 2nd! Holistic Health Coach, BizLady @FemminaForte, FunJunkee, AcolyteGamer, AnimeLuvr & SocialFaery in 4'11 vessel of Passion 2Do!

Hot Red & Trust

Setting: Downtown Manhattan, New York – Fall of 2005

Guy: High Powered Wall Street Type, Owner of Investment Firm – Very Handsome

Girl: Finance Assistant for Global Financial Publishing Company – Petite, Understated Style

Note: At this time we were dating for about a month. Called me his “princess” & liked to buy manicures/pedicures for me during lunch hours as that’s all I would allow  {wink}

Supposed to meet at our favorite spot, Olive’s Bar located inside the Union Square W Hotel, but he called late in the afternoon to say that he would be late that night – and asked me to wait.  I told him that I would just go home instead since he wasn’t sure when he’d be done and that I was just too tired to wait alone.  He told me to invite a few GF’s to keep me company, order whatever they wanted to keep them with me and he would take care of the check when he arrived.

After he came by the hotel, paid the tab and charmed the socks off my GF (invited just one, didn’t want him stuck with a huge bill) we walked looking for a late night cafe. We found one about a couple blocks up the street.  We ended up sitting right smack in the middle of the dining room.  While we drank and chatted, he nonchalantly started playing with the flame of a red candle in the middle of our table and we ended up daring each other as to who could hold their palm over the flame longest.  Both being type A work-hard play-hard members of the New York corporate workforce you can imagine how long this played out with neither of us wanting to admit defeat.

Our laughter (and I’m sure the fireplay) gained us an audience, prompting many compliments & smiles from those around us.  Then, he took my hand and kissed it softly. He started to caress me with his fingertips giving me goosebumps.  He picked up the candle as he stared deep into my eyes and asked me to trust him.  We both could feel the heat of the stares that were coming from those around us which only excited us even more.  He lifted the candle about six inches above the table and slowly started to pour the hot wax onto my skin.  I flinched with the first few drops but then started to get accustomed to the heat of the melted wax.  I could feel myself getting more and more aroused with each red drop from the candle.

Hushed silence.  He placed the candle down and as we both waited for the wax to harden & cool he took my fingers into his mouth, one by one, and sucked.  The feel of his wet tongue drove me insane. I felt my face turning flush red warmed by blood rushing to sensitive parts of my body that made me quiver in anticipation. He then took a sip of ice cold water from the beautifully sparkling water glass just to the right of him; he never unlocked his gaze as he lowered my arm. He then began to carefully peel back the cooled red wax. My hand back in his he bent his head down, released my wanting eyes and met every inch of skin as it was uncovered with the touch of his cool lips with kisses meant to comfort and entice. I closed my eyes to hear him ask, “Do you trust me?”

My Soul Speaks: The Dark Quiet

Full moon night in park

Here I sit in the dark quiet 6 minutes to midnight my mind flooded with the painful remnants of the past few years thinking – what feeling, what emotion should I allow my heart to feel.  Is it regret?  Regret for all the bad choices I’ve made that led me to so many hurts, so many nights of silent and sometimes tearless crying myself to sleep?  Maybe.  How about disappointment?  Disappointment for all the times I unlocked my heart to loving deeply and without restraint only to find myself alone again?  Perhaps.  Can it be fear?  Fear of making the same mistakes?  Fear of leaving myself vulnerable?  Or fear of failing, letting not just myself down, but those who have placed their trust in me to be strong?  The truth is, tho I would allow it, my heart won’t have any of that.  Not now.  She pines only for calm.  The calm that this dark quiet breeds within me.  A calm that saves me tonight.

My Soul Speaks: Comfortable


Comfortable is a nice word.  It is the only word I can use to describe him.  I don’t think I’ve ever felt this way.   He’s such a chill and laid back soul.  Great influence on my sometimes crazy hectic life.  His hugs are amazing.  He towers over my tiny frame.  When he takes me in his arms, there’s no denying the goodness in feeling his warmth.  His voice puts me at ease and quiets the many thoughts that occupy my mind throughout the day making me feel free, weightless and unburdened.  When he sees me he immediately moves to massage my shoulders, neck, caress my face…sweet and caring.  I will admit that I’ve begun to feel a bit anxious and scared, but must stop myself and just take things as they come – go with the flow.  I do not want to spoil anything and so I decide to follow his lead to enjoy this as it is – Comfortable.