Here I sit in the dark quiet 6 minutes to midnight my mind flooded with the painful remnants of the past few years thinking – what feeling, what emotion should I allow my heart to feel. Is it regret? Regret for all the bad choices I’ve made that led me to so many hurts, so many nights of silent and sometimes tearless crying myself to sleep? Maybe. How about disappointment? Disappointment for all the times I unlocked my heart to loving deeply and without restraint only to find myself alone again? Perhaps. Can it be fear? Fear of making the same mistakes? Fear of leaving myself vulnerable? Or fear of failing, letting not just myself down, but those who have placed their trust in me to be strong? The truth is, tho I would allow it, my heart won’t have any of that. Not now. She pines only for calm. The calm that this dark quiet breeds within me. A calm that saves me tonight.